35 Memes That Will Make you Feel Better About Being a Hot Mess

Bein’ a hot mess ain’t easy but it sure is common.

In fact, it’s one of the most popular topics in the parenting meme-iverse and recognized as the international symbol of acceptance among many parenting communities. Solidarity sister, we are in this sh*tshow together.

Check out these memes if you want to feel better about walking around all day with a chili stain on your crotch or accidentally sending a sext to your kid’s teacher. We gotchu, fam.

 
1.

There’s nothing more versatile than the coveted baby wipe; you can use it for counters, asses and faces. (Just not in that order.)
Via @accidentalsupermom 

 

2.

I’m not lying when I say that dishes are the worst. I’m also not lying when I say the Skip The Dishes app is my new best friend.
Via @fakeadultmom 
3.

Ahh cereal, a dinner time staple. Can I interest you in Le Chocolat De Count or Crème de la Cheerios?
Via @draggingfeeties

 

4.

I mean, I’m not going to do anything about it other than find a new excuse for my hot mess couture, but…..
Via @mom.wine.repeat

 

5.

From pregnancy glow to aww hell no.  You might not even see it coming but after a few years of being a SAHM, there’s a trainwreck leaving the station and you’ll be on it.
Via @macaroniandmomjeans

 

6.

Luckily for us hot mess moms,  camera filters have come a long way over the years and we can now easily hide those eye bags and chin hairs with a flip of a switch. Just don’t forget to flip that switch, because no one needs to know how hairy and sleep deprived we really are.
Via @momtransparenting

7.

It’s complicated, don’t ask questions.
Via @askatewouldhaveit

 

8.

Spoiler alert: Still a hot mess, but a hot mess with amazing hair.
Via @macaroniandmomjeans

9.

Surely this is a conspiracy, right? My Snapchat filters have led me to believe that I’m supposed to have butterflies floating around my head, giant eyes and glowing skin at all times. So who’s that swamp donkey in the security camera? I demand answers!
Via @unicornmoms

 

10.

I slipped into something a little more comfortable for you, I know how much you love Crocs and ripped sweatpants. Now get over here and run your fingers through my greasy hair before I’m not in the mood again.
Via @mommymemest

 

11.

ICEBERG STRAIGHT AHEAD!! We’re all gonna dieeeee.
Credit unknown

 

12.

You know what Susan, my kid is trying to take a dump behind that tree and I gotta bounce.
Via @itsmommyhour

 

13.

You might be a hot mess if this is a recurring fear you have every time you’re out in public now.
Via @snarkybreeders

 

14.

Where do I sign up because this is literally the only type of mom meetup I’d be on board for. I’ll bring the donuts and vodka.
Via @motherhaggard

 

15.

TRYING is the key word here. Spoiler alert: I don’t.
Via @alyceoneword

 

16.

THIS IS AN EMERGENCY! SEND BACKUP! And can you stop and grab me a latte from Starbucks when you’re on the way here? My caffeine levels are dropping rapidly and I may need an IV.
Via @stonecolddaddy

 

17.

Friends don’t let friends feel bad about how clutter-filled and messy their house is. They just push some crap out of the way to make a path to the wine.
Via @momcomnyc
18.

If you haven’t though about handing your kids off to strangers at least once, are you even a hot mess who is desperate for a break?
Via @bombingatmomming

19.

It brings a tear to my eye *Sniffle*
Via @fromthebottomofmypurse

 
20.

Mommy needs a LOT more beauty sleep okay, kids? Wake me up if anyone is bleeding or the house is on fire.
Via @motherplaylist

 

21.

About to lose it in 3, 2, 1……
Via @momof1anddone

 

22.

You mean 10 as in 10 thousand, right? *gulp*
Via @onefunnymummy

 

23.

And that’s on a GOOD day to be honest.
Via @paigekellerman

 

24.

The good news is that you can shove all your dresses into the back of your closet along with your razor.
Via @salty_mermaid_entertainment

 

25.

I don’t care where we go or how bad my hair looks as long as there are no kids and lots of alcohol.
Via @alyceoneword

 

26.

Wait, what are these real pants you speak of???!
Via @modernmomprobs 

 

27.

I mean, it’s basically the same. Except way less f*cks and a lot more caffeine.
Via @modernmomprobs

 

28.

I paid $50 for this shit, it better make me look like Beyoncé within the next hour.
Via @justlikeatvmom

 

29.

Actually I can and I will. And if you have any more thoughts about this, tomorrow I’ll wear my robe and slippers too.
Via @reneecharytan

 

30.

Mysterious and interesting, yes, that sounds so much nicer than shit show hot mess.
Via @wheretheeffismyhandbook

 

31.

This is basically my mantra. Holla.
Via @lifeattiffanys

 

32.

Make it a Venti Grande Tall Extra Large with 2 shots of new life who dis?
Via @fakeadultmom
33.

Are there people who don’t do this? Teach me your sorcery.
Via @housewife_plus

 

34.

All this junk is just adding a natural rustic touch to the wood grain, so who’s the real winner here?
Via @marriageandmartinis

 

35.

The lady on the right looks like a hell of a lot more fun anyways. Just sayin.
Via @healthylivingforhotmesses

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35 Memes that Explain What Self-Care Looks Like as a Parent

If you’ve ever fantasized about doing absolutely nothing at all for an extended period of time, you might be a parent who is in desperate need of some me time. Let’s face it, the words parenting and self-care go together like kids and a clean house. Or DJ Khaled and not saying his name in every song he mixes. What I’m trying to say is, they don’t go together, at least not naturally.

We went over unconventional methods of self-care in my previous post The Desperate Mom’s Guide to Self-Care, and today I’m hitting you up with a barrage of memes that spell out what self-care (or lack thereof) looks like as a parent.  It’s a popular topic in the parenting community because WHO THE HECK ACTUALLY HAS TIME FOR THIS??

1. Maybe lavender would be more calming if you were hiding from your kids in a lavender field for a week. Or you could try this:
   

Via @kristinakuzmic

 
2. Self-care as a parent is best when setting the bar low, and then lowering it more, and then throwing the bar away all together and hoping for a miracle.

Via @Macgyveringmom22

 

3.  Even though you might not have time for self-care or sitting in a chair, you might have time to fantasize about it often, which is basically the same thing, right?

Via @themomatlaw

 

4.  If online shopping, binge watching Netflix and inappropriate humor are wrong, I don’t want to be right.  And if this list isn’t self-care as a parent, I don’t know what is.

Via @mommyowl

 

5.  Night time me is so ambitious; morning me is more realistic.

Via @mommycusses

6.  Some may call this an unhealthy coping mechanism, but you don’t need to hear that kind of negativity in your life, it’s self-care.

Via @oldkidsbooks and @neverendingmommy

7.   The best plans are no plans. Because sitting in your bed by yourself is self-care.

Via @fakeadultmom

 

8.  I’d hang out in a manure farm if it meant I got to be alone for an hour. Okay maybe not a manure farm, but you get my drift.

Via @goldfishandchickennuggets
9.  I pay $30 a month to have the occasional uninterrupted shower and I’m not mad about it.

Via @lessonsfromtheminivan

 

10.  Self-care is what the Doctor ordered, too bad he didn’t have a script for it.

Via @macaroniandmomjeans

 

11.  I prefer my pizza in my belly but this self-care aromatherapy bath looks (and probably smells) like heaven.

Via @vegansmoothiemama

 

 

12.  When you’re a parent, anything can be self-care if you really believe in yourself.

Via @lifeattiffanys

 

13.  When you get one self care appointment for the year, you need the all inclusive package.

Via @humorandwine

 

14.  Sure yoga is cool, but have you tried a tranquilizer?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Via @mimosaswithmoms
15.   Tropical getaways have a new definition when you’re a parent.

Via @accidentalsupermom

 

16.   I’m not saying luxuries change after kids, but actually I am saying luxuries change after kids.

Via @silkymamas

 

17. &18.   Whether you booze and meditate or booze and rage, I’m not judging your self-care routine.

Via @mom.wine.repeat and @macaroniandmomjeans

 

19.  I don’t care, burn the house down, I’ll make s’mores.

Via @realramblinma
20.  It’s only rock bottom if you’re parked at the edge of a cliff, you’re good boo.

Via @macaroniandmomjeans

 

21.  CRAP.  See also: WORTH IT

Via @howtobeadad

 

22.   Parenting: if you want uninterrupted self-care, you might want to try an induced coma.

Via @mommymemest

 

23.   I think this is actually the definition of self-care in the Webster’s dictionary.

Via @housewifeplus

 

24.  Why not take advantage of those first few months when your baby is a potato and bring them along for Botox appointments.

Via @alrightmom

 

25.   If you’re taking notes, there’s a lot of hiding and very little seeking in the parent self-care game.

Via @realtoughdad

 

26.  Them: tell me your wildest fantasy
Me:

Via @mamasdoody

 

27.   Spoiler alert: you don’t get to relax

 

Via @momtransparenting
28.   So many mythical creatures, so little time.

via @mommyneedsamarg

 

29.  Take my money! WHERE DO WE SIGN UP FOR THIS?

via @mommywinetime

 

30.   Lonely? Nah, this sounds like the definition of heaven.

Via @katiebinghamsmith and @fromthebottomofmypurse

 

31.   Take notes: these are the real MVP’s when it comes to gifts for a mom.

Via @askatewouldhaveit

 

32.  Parenting: where you’re willing to lose your limbs for a few minutes of alone time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Via @thenewstepford

 

33.  Speaking of hiding in the bathroom, did you bring snacks?

Via @mommyneedsalife

 

34.  Not everyone can afford a hotel, stop judging me Carol.

Via @paigekellerman_writer

 

35.  Funny you mention it, I’m writing this blog post in this exact scenario. *fist bump*

Via @marriageandmartinis

Why Medicating Our Son’s ADHD May Have Saved His Life

Two years ago, after a particularly difficult and frightening summer for our family, we received the ADHD diagnosis for our oldest child and made the decision to medicate. I believe it has saved his life, for many reasons, some that I won’t divulge here because he is now older and I feel that some things should be kept private, but it was a very intense two years and a long road leading up to the diagnosis and our eventual decision to medicate.

In short, there were calls home from the school, slipping grades, aggression in the school yard and turmoil at home that made things unsafe for our family. He has always been a smart child and an amazing athlete, but the symptoms of ADHD were hindering his abilities, affecting his well being and the well being of our family.

I wrote the following on the first day of giving my son medication in August of 2017:

Today was the first harmonious day we have experienced in our home in well over a year and I feel like crying tears of joy right now. I’ve been crying a lot lately, mostly tears of helplessness because I haven’t been able to find a way to help my oldest son and we have all been feeling like we are drowning.

Today my son said to me, “I feel like a new me” and my heart nearly burst with joy. He said he felt calm, that he didn’t feel angry, and for the first time in a long time, we saw the boy we knew was deep down inside of him. Today he was happy, agreeable, easy going and helpful. He showed gratitude and patience, and was able to respond to situations in a manner that was appropriate to the situation. He felt good, and it showed. 

Today our house was quieter, calmer, there were no meltdowns, tantrums, threats or fights. Today for the first time in over a year, our oldest son didn’t antagonize his younger siblings or call us names, he didn’t fight, act out, ignore us and bounce off the walls crying out that he hates his brain and wishes he was a “normal’ kid. A truly heartbreaking thing for a parent to hear. 

I didn’t feel like a terrible parent for not being able to “control” his behaviours or calm him with love and attention. I didn’t cry at night, wondering how I would wake up another day feeling helpless to his struggles and the heartbreaking things he said and did during an emotionally charged outburst. Today I didn’t lose my cool out of frustration or beat myself up thinking how I could have handled things better. I didn’t feel like a terrible mother. 

Today we started medication for ADHD and we felt like we gave our son his life back.

I will admit that I used to view ADHD in the way that television or movies portrayed it; as hyperactivity and a lack of focus, but that’s only a small portion of the challenges people with ADHD face. They may also struggle with impulses, emotional regulation, aggression, concentration, organization, and extreme difficulties accomplishing regular tasks of every day life.

The opinions of others made me feel like we had given up by medicating our son, but in reality if we hadn’t stepped in, I feared the worst for him. The truth is, unless you are living in someone’s home, experiencing their lives firsthand and walking in their shoes, you wouldn’t know what is best for their family or their child.

So although I know I will have to deal with the occasional comments and criticisms or skeptical looks from outsiders when they hear about medication or ADHD, I know what science says, I know what my experiences say and I know what my heart says. 

I realized that there was no amount of love, activity, diet change, positive parenting class or essential oil that could have changed things for our son, because ADHD starts inside a person’s brain. Without getting into the science behind it, their brains are different, they are lacking certain chemicals and it affects their mental health and wellness. 

Although we realize medication is most useful in conjunction with therapy and positive parenting, and that medication is only the beginning of our journey, we feel it is a necessary step to help improve our son’s quality of life and to realize his true potential. To calm the negative thoughts and turmoil in his mind so he can see through the fog and know how amazing he really is. 

There are many people in our family who struggle with ADHD, and some of them are adults, so although some argue that it is overdiagnosed in children, contrary to outdated mentality, it is NOT a made up illness. ADHD is a brain disorder, not a behavior problem or a result of bad parenting.

I know this, because today I saw the symptoms of ADHD lifted from my child and when the smoke cleared, a happier, healthier 7 year old re-emerged.

Today was a good day.

 

 

 

I Want to be Body Positive, But I Want to Lose Weight, Here’s Why

Every time I scroll social media and see women stripping down -both their insecurities and their clothes- and celebrating the imperfections of their bodies, I stop and admire their pictures and marvel at the positive image they portray by showing that all bodies are real, flawed, and worthy of love. It’s beautiful and inspiring.

Their words of body positivity and self-love always cut me to the core: “You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to live up to impossible beauty standards. You don’t have to change.”  And they are right, we don’t have to base our self-worth on our size, we don’t have to go to extreme methods to force our bodies into sizes they weren’t meant to fit into, and we don’t have to give in to diet culture.

I want to be body positive but I want to lose weight, and here’s why I think it’s okay to be both.

I don’t care about having a perfectly flat tummy,  I’m unbothered by my faded stretch marks, or the scar above my belly button from an old piercing that stretched out with my expanding uterus during pregnancy. I’ve embraced many of the changes that my body has gone through with age and becoming a mother, and my focus isn’t on perfection or vanity weight.

The weight I’m carrying right now makes me feel sluggish, unhealthy, and puts me in the overweight category, which can come with health risks and have a negative impact on my overall well being. The weight I’m carrying is emotional weight; it reminds me that I’ve been using food as a coping mechanism instead of finding healthy ways to deal with stress. The extra weight is a reminder that I have dealt with a lot of pain this past year and that I’m not only carrying it mentally, but physically too.

I want to lose the extra weight because it symbolizes what I have gone through emotionally and it is a product of something negative. 

The body positivity movement tells me that I should love my body at any size, and while I agree that all bodies are worthy of love at any size, I don’t feel like myself at the size I am now and I know I got here by not taking care of myself and my health. I want to feel healthier and be able to complete a workout without feeling like I’m going into cardiac arrest. I want to have stamina and strength and feel strong and energetic.

I am curvaceous by nature and I embrace it, even at a smaller weight I will always be fuller in the hips, butt and thighs, and although I once tried to fight against my body’s natural curves as an adolescent, I have grown to love it. I accept and love my body’s natural shape and I’m not trying to achieve something that is unsustainable for my body type.  I want to show my body love by eating better, exercising, finding positive ways to deal with stress and getting back to a weight that is healthy for me.

I think it’s okay to both love your body and want to make positive healthy changes in your life that may ultimately lead to carrying less weight and feeling better all around. Overall I don’t think we should shame anyone for their own personal journey with body love, because it’s different for everyone.

 

10 New Year’s Goals for the Underachiever

We’ve reached the end of another year, when people look at the calendar with unwavering optimism and vows to change themselves for the better. But when it comes to New Year’s resolutions and goals, my advice is to set the bar low and shoot for mediocrity.

Hear me out: while everyone else is shooting for the stars and beating themselves up each time they go off track, aiming for mediocrity ensures you can only win at losing!

Here’s a list of goals that anyone can achieve in 2019, especially if your soul is toxic sludge and your dream home is a garbage can.

1.  Live your best life…..online. The goal is to eventually spend all of your waking hours online, and less time being involved in real human interactions. Let’s be honest, real life is just a vicious trap in a Groundhog Day existence doing shit you don’t want to do with people you can’t stand. The real fulfilment and happiness you need is on the internet, fam!
2. Have your cake, and eat it too. Indulge in pure gluttony this year and aim to gain at least 20-150 pounds by the end of 2019.  While everyone else is wasting precious time and energy in gyms taking selfies and chugging back chalk-flavored workout drinks, you’ll be sleeping in your Cheeto crumbs and eating cake for breakfast on the reg.
3. Start a gratitude journal. Write down some of life’s simple pleasures that make you happy and grateful to be alive. Then light a match and set fire to it; life is wayyy too short to be documenting a bunch of bogus crap that no one really cares about. Complaining is way easier, and 100000 times more effective in keeping happiness at bay.
4.  Eliminate the things that are holding you back or that no longer feed your soul. Remove people, obligations, apps, and anything that no longer serve a purpose in your new, authentic life. Honestly I would just ghost literally everyone you know other than the Uber Eats delivery driver and your drug dealer.
5. Find a new hobby. Look for something that feeds your soul, such as excessive drinking, gambling, binge eating, or street fighting.  Some people might suggest yoga and meditation but those people drink infused dandelion smoothies and are constipated with suppressed rage.  They’re also the people you should kick the shit out of in a street fight.
6.  Don’t sweat the small stuff. Instead, worry about the big stuff and live in a constant state of existential dread while curbing everyone’s advice to see a therapist. Therapists are actually crafty con artists that help cure you while secretly siphoning your money and your sense of humor right out of you against your will. Before you know it you’llbe living in a cardboard box telling corny Dad jokes and writing in your gratitude journal. *cringe*
7.  Be kind (of a dick.) When people say “be kind” what they’re really saying is “let people walk all over you” and you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.  If you’re kind of a dick, you never have to worry about being taken advantage of, because people will avoid you like the plague and you can say screw that noise and effortlessly go back to living your best life online.
8.  Never finish anything you start, beginning right now with this list that was supposed to include 10 New Year’s resolutions for underachievers, but is ending with 8 because ain’t nobody got time for 2 more things when we’re trying to be mediocre AF.

   Now get outta here and get started on your shitty existence before someone casts a New Year’s Eve spell on you that turns you into a good person at midnight.

The Desperate Mom’s Guide to Self-Care

When you have kids, especially small children who depend on you for survival, making time for self-care may seem like an impossible feat.

You probably feel like you put yourself, your social life and even your hygiene on the back burner to tend to the needs of everyone else. At the end of the day, you might be too exhausted to accomplish much more than staring at wall in the fetal position or indulging in some mindless social media scrolling until you pass out in a pile of Cheeto crumbs.

I’ve compiled a handy list of 10 foolproof (read: shiteous) ways to sneak in some YOU time throughout the course of your chaotic day.
But first we are going to start with a quick exercise that involves making a list of all of the things you used to do for fun and relaxation before you had small children. Got it? Good.

Next, you’ll want to ball that list up in your fist and launch it aggressively into the garbage. This isn’t college anymore, the only version of a wet T-shirt contest that you will be participating in is the kind where your boobs are unknowingly lactating through your shirt, mmmkay? It’s time to put those carefree drinking and frolicking days behind you, and embrace this glorious shitshow that is #momlife.

WARNING: This list applies to desperate mamas who have children hanging from their limbs at least 75% of the time and/or who are on the verge of losing their shit. Proceed with caution.

1. Sleep. Master the ancient Chinese art of sleeping with your eyes open. Look, we know you love little Bobby, but if you have to see him do that thing he does on the trampoline for the 487th time, you might stab out your own eyeballs. Sleeping with your eyes open allows you to discreetly catch some much needed Zzzz’s whenever you need to mentally check out.

Maybe you’ll practice this fine art in the car when you’re waiting for your child in the school drop off line, or during a long-winded church sermon, at a Birthday Party, play place, or even during sex! Who cares, you’re too tired to actually be conscious for most of this stuff.

2. Find a hobby. Some people like collecting coupons, some like doing crack, it’s all about balance. Disclaimer: I don’t recommend crack. I also don’t think coupon cutting is an ideal hobby either, but whatever keeps you off drugs, man!

3. Take a leisurely drive. And by that, I mean drive your ass around until the kids are asleep in their car seats, then park somewhere and eat rogue goldfish crackers off the floor and scroll on your phone. The free WiFi at Walmart reaches the parking lot, just sayin’.

4. Find a Babysitter. As in dump your children on old people at Target because good babysitters are impossible to find. You know the sweet little old ladies who tell you how cute your kids are and reach out to pinch their cheeks? They’re basically begging you to give them some kids to play with, so you’ll actually be doing them a favor.

Can you smell the freedom of shopping solo? It might also be the smell of a restraining order, but it’s totally worth it.

5. Take a bath. Light some candles, draw a bath, get out your favourite essential oils and break out your Best of Rod Stewart playlist. Then burn all of that, and burn the house down with it. Self-care, bitch! Disclaimer: Not entirely sure where I was going with that, but if you’re considering setting things on fire to control stress, you might want to start thinking about anger management therapy. But yeah, good luck finding time for a candlelit bath.

6. Embrace the crazy. Don’t make any time for self-care. Instead, let all of your stress and responsibilities bubble over until you have a mental breakdown that requires a brief but necessary hospitalization. Imagine laying in a bed all day while people take care of YOU for once?! Forced drugs and electric shock therapy? Pfffttt, that sounds like a vacation compared to making lunches and incessantly yelling at everyone to put the mother effing toilet seat down, amirite!? Let that bat shit crazy beast within you fly high and embrace the strait jacket, bitch. You won’t regret it.

7. Start a book club. And by books I mean wine. And by club I mean it’s just you. Alone. Drinking wine. For bonus self-care points, keep a flask in the diaper bag and chug back a few shots of the holy water whenever Susan from the PTA starts drilling into you about the upcoming mother effing bake sale, or Brenda at the park tries to sell you on her 4th MLM business of the month.

8. Take up running. As in, whenever the kids are acting up and pushing you to the very edge of your sanity, just f*cking run away. BYE.

9. Meditate. Except instead of finding a calm place to draw in the positive energies from the earth, find a place literally anywhere to scream a string of obscenities at the top of your lungs. You’ll feel 100 times better once you’ve exhausted every swear word in the dictionary and created at least 50 new ones.

10. Take a vacation, except you’re really faking your own death (temporarily). Look, we’re not trying to leave our families and move to an island, although I’m not here to judge. But if it’s been a ridiculously long time since you’ve had a sanity break and you’re hovering between Britney 2007 and everyday Kanye, it’s time to fake your own death or kidnapping.

Unfortunately I haven’t worked out the logistics of executing this plan effectively, but if you watch enough episodes of Criminal Minds you can probably formulate a plot that allows you to reemerge from a hostage situation after a few weeks or months, unscathed but inexplicably well-rested and tanned. Keep me posted, I’ll be here to take notes.

If you were hoping for a more insightful and practical list of self-care ideas, I apologize, but I’m in the same sinking boat with you when it comes to lack of free time, and my self- care routine currently involves heavy sarcasm, making memes and eating cake.

You’re not alone; some days I’m just trying not to drown in mom duties whilst reminiscing about the days that I could fit into my size 6 jeans and had names like “hot guy who buys shots” programmed into my phone.

But here’s the good news; if you made it through this entire article, and maybe even had a chuckle or two, you have just completed 5 whole minutes of doing something entirely for yourself, which equals 5 minutes of what? You got it: self-care!! See what I did there? You’re welcome.