Myths about Women Who Wear Makeup

Let’s just cut to the chase and debunk some myths about women who regularly wear makeup once and for all, because it’s 2018 and women need to start worrying more about having each other’s backs and less about what’s on each other’s faces. Mmkay?

MYTHS

They aren’t comfortable or happy with themselves

Most women who wear makeup have no problem with the way their face looks without makeup, they just prefer a face with some contour and a nice set of brows (and highlighter, lashes, concealer, lipstick, and eyeshadow.)

They are naturally drawn to color and the art of makeup itself, it captures their eye and excites them. Or maybe they just prefer not having bags under their eyes and revealing that their eyebrows never fully recovered from over plucking in the 90’s

It may sound strange to non-makeup wearers, but people who wear makeup actually tend to feel more like themselves with their makeup on.

Putting on makeup is a little like getting out of your pj’s and putting on something that makes you feel fabulous. Sure, the pj’s are comfy as hell and you want to live in them forever, but let’s be honest, all you gonna be doin’ in them jammies is snackin’ and neflixin’ girl.  When you put on something that makes you feel amazing you will be channeling your inner Beyoncé.

Acne sufferers or people with skin issues may feel a bit more confident with some foundation on, but it doesn’t mean they don’t love themselves without it.  And honey, what’s wrong with being confident.. uh uh ah?

They are doing it to attract men

OH GIRL NO, NO, NO.  I don’t have formal statistics on how many men say they prefer women who don’t wear makeup, but based on my travels through the interweb and life, I can conclude that men generally have no clue what not wearing makeup actually looks like, in spite of the fact that they say they prefer less makeup or none at all. So, that would defeat the purpose of wearing it for men, yes? The women I know who wear makeup, do it for themselves, because they enjoy it. Period.

They are shallow, stuck up, vain, or {insert other negative connotation associated with wearing makeup here}

Um. This one is my favorite, because I feel like all logic goes out the window when people make these kind of assumptions. Newsflash people, a woman can be the SAME exact person whether she is wearing a face full of makeup or not. What??! YUP!

Are some women shallow, stuck up or vain? Probably. Do all of them wear a full face of makeup every day? NOPE.

I don’t think it should be considered a sin to care about your appearance, nor does it indicate that you are not caring about other causes, issues, people or things. You can look good and still do good. Similarly, you can care less about your appearance and be a shitty human. One is not synonymous with the other. Some of the most down-to-earth and real people wear makeup, and some of the biggest fake a-holes do not.

They really want you to tell them they look better without makeup

Please, for the love of all that is holy, stop telling women who wear makeup that they look better without it or that they don’t need it. STAHPPP. First of all, that’s not a compliment, it’s a judgement, and secondly, it’s not going to change the fact that they wear it.  Once again, they are not wearing it for you and your idea of what is aesthetically pleasing.

They woke up like this

No, they most certainly did not. Nor do they sit around in their house daily wearing  a full face of makeup, contrary to what you might believe. If you only see them post pictures of themselves when they are wearing makeup, that’s just how they prefer to be seen. We don’t see Gwen Stefani without her glammed out face on do we? No, because that’s how she identifies herself and that’s obviously how she feels her best. And she’s fierce AF.

They want your approval

Obviously if they wanted your approval they wouldn’t be wearing makeup, because obviously that’s what you’re telling them you approve of.  Obviously.

True story; I haven’t heard women who wear makeup judging those who don’t. Sure they may look at your bare visage and think about how some mascara would really make your pretty eyes pop, and how your lips and coloring are perfect for the newest shade of MAC lipstick, but they aren’t going to tell you that you need it, or that you would look so much better with it on, because that would just be rude, right? Right.

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How to Avoid Your Wife in 10 Easy Steps

Is your wife on your case lately? Does she complain that you drink too much beer, don’t do enough around the house, and spend too much time with your butt glued to the couch? Is she constantly giving you the side eye for reasons you don’t quite understand? Don’t worry, we have compiled a foolproof list of 10 ways to completely avoid her incessant nagging and demands so that you can go back to living your best life at your Mom’s house in no time!

1. So you don’t want to carry in the groceries, help with the dinner, take out the garbage or listen to the kids scream? This particular method is only a temporary solution and one that can be utilized up to a maximum of 3 times a day before she starts to get suspicious, but it’s highly effective for avoidance of small tasks or annoyances. Take the poop escape route. Tell her you need to take a dump and stay in the bathroom for as long as possible. I repeat, AS LONG AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. 2-3 hours is best.

2. If she gives you a grocery list and you’re not in the mood for grocery stores or lists, waste no time or effort on this bogus list, it doesn’t sound important anyway. I mean there’s gotta be enough diapers to get by, and if not, you can probably make some out of duct tape and toilet paper, because you’re handy like that.

3. If your wife asks you to fix something around the house that you’re fully qualified to complete, but you’re okay with living in a shithole, just completely avoid it for 6 months (or more!) until something implodes and you have to move out of your home. Huzzah, you may be homeless now but at least she’s off your back!

4. Next time she texts you a list of errands to accomplish on your way home from work, ignore the list and get beer instead. Tell her you didn’t get the text until you were at home in the driveway. Offer her a beer as an apology.

5. She’s been budgeting the money; she said things are tight lately and that you need to cut back on spending temporarily. What a control freak! Don’t listen to that noise man, this is the PERFECT time to make a huge purchase for yourself. Go all out, buy that Mustang you’ve always wanted, you deserve it. Bills and groceries are overrated anyways.

6. She’s home with the kids all the time and needs a breather, so she’s leaving you with all of them while she goes to the store. ALL OF THEM. NOOoooo, this cannot happen! Make sure that when she returns, the house is absolutely destroyed, nobody is clothed, there’s a live alligator in the living room and maybe even lose a kid for good measure. Trust me, she won’t leave you with them ever again.

7. It’s the weekend, the kids are going stir crazy and you just want to sit on the damn couch with a beer for 48 hours, but she’s trying to plan yet another annoying activity to keep them occupied. ABORT THIS MISSION IMMEDIATELY. Tell her you’ve been called into work for an emergency job and go to a buddy’s house to drink beer instead.

8. She’s called you 6 times in a row at work. Answer, but before she can get a word in, tell her your boss is coming and you can’t talk, then HANG UP quickly before she can nag you some more or give you more lists. Better yet, find a cement truck to run your phone over and demolish it so she can’t call you at all. Doesn’t matter if you work at an office, just get creative and smash that sh!t!

9. You must never, under any circumstances, answer to your name being called, even if she is screaming it at the top of her lungs or seems to be in distress. She probably just wants you to help with some other crappy errand around the house. Train your brain to hear only compliments or things relating to sex or meat.

10. If she asks you to help with laundry, or dishes or any other household chore, oblige, but do the shittiest job humanly possible. Break her favorite mug, make sure a red shirt gets thrown in with the white load of laundry and stains everything pink, break the washing machine itself. YOU MUST DO WHATEVER IT TAKES so she will never ask you to help with these pesky chores again.

There you have it, you’ve managed to avoid your wife and her never ending demands! If you are sure to follow this list regularly and don’t falter, I can assure you that when you want to have sex with her, she will 110% likely to be in the mood. Winning!

In 2018, we simplify

I’m not usually one to make New Year’s resolutions because as corny as it sounds, I feel like every day is an opportunity for self improvement, not just when the calendar changes.

Plus I’m a rebel and I don’t always like to follow the crowd. Case and point, I haven’t downloaded Snapchat, I’ve never tried a pumpkin spiced anything, and I don’t understand what the heck Rae Dunn is. *waits for someone to throw a plain mug with plain writing at me.*

But a New Year and a clean slate really makes for a perfect opportunity to trim the fat, literally and figuratively.

I want to simplify my life so that I can get back to actually living it. I want to spend the time making memories with my kids, not worrying about getting the perfect picture of the moment, because the best and most real moments tend to be those we don’t capture on camera.

I want to focus on more real, face-to- face communication as opposed to digital communication, get back to real hobbies that I used to enjoy and live slightly more outside the social media box.

I took time during the holiday break to look at our life, think about what was working and wasn’t working at home and in my business, and decided that changes needed to be made to simplify things.

I started by purging my craft room, my basement, my closets, the toy room, and worked on ridding my life of excess STUFF as part of my simplifying plan. (yes, I donated for those who are wondering. I’m a frequent flyer at my local Value Village).

Clutter and my brain do not go well together, and I read a study that said there’s scientific proof that clutter can affect your well being by deterring you from focusing on important tasks, because you are distracted by the chaos and junk around you.

I didn’t need a study to tell me that my brain is wired that way, but it definitely helped validate it. Now if only it affected my husband and kids in the same manner, then maybe my house would resemble less of a tornado on any given day.

In addition to purging my home, I started to purge other areas of my life, including my Facebook account. As I started going through and unfollowing and unliking things that didn’t pertain to me, I realized that it would be easier to completely deactivate my page altogether.

Facebook has changed a lot since the days of writing on someone’s wall and eagerly awaiting for them to reply back on your wall, or being on the receiving end of the infamous poke. It has evolved in a lot of positive ways that allow us to communicate with people all over the world, stay informed on important news and social events, and generate income and sales through groups and pages, BUT it has also become completely overwhelming for me in many ways.

This isn’t even at the top of my list of reasons for deactivating but sometimes I think we get wrapped up in everyone’s highlight reels that we forget it isn’t always an indication of their everyday lives, and I know that my brain subconsciously compares other people’s lives to mine, even when I logically know there’s no need to compare.

I am not an insecure or jealous person by nature, but you really can’t help but sometimes feel inadequate or question your own life when you’re constantly watching how other people live theirs.

Why can’t we go on vacation every year like the Smiths? How do the Anderson’s take such perfectly posed pictures with their kids? Should I have put more presents under the tree like the Applebee family? How does Frieda seem to have her life put together, (and white furniture!) when she has more kids than me? Why did my friend share Heather’s craft page and not mine?

I will talk more about my Facebook hiatus in a separate post but overall as part of my 2018 plan, I felt the need to disconnect from it for awhile to clean out my own brain.

On a business perspective, I was feeling overwhelmed by the notifications coming from far too many angles- from my personal Facebook inbox, two Facebook business pages, several email accounts, Etsy messages, DM’s on two separate Instagram accounts, text messages and website messages.

I know messages were getting lost in the shuffle, organization was becoming difficult, and I would remember receiving a notification for a message, but had to search to figure out WHERE that message came from. And by the time I found it, there were kids who needed snacks, socks, a bandaid, a booger cleaned, a toy retrieved, a snuggle, a bath, etc, and I’d lose track again.

So I have scaled back and streamlined my business while trying to come up with a better system for everyone. I will discuss all of the changes to our business in a subsequent post, but overall it’s a learning curve and it’s hard to find balance with 3 small children and a husband who works 6 days a week; we are just doing our best to stay afloat most days, and to keep the kids fed, clothed and happy. Some days a shower is an accomplishment.

This year we are making the necessary changes to better ourselves and our lives, and most importantly, our children’s lives. 2017 was a challenging year for our family and we realized that change was necessary for everyone to have a happier, healthier home, so that is the main focus.

In addition to everything I mentioned about simplifying and focusing on my family, a couple other goals I’ve set for myself this year are to plan a family vacation this summer, lose 20lbs of stress weight or learn to be happy with 20lbs of stress weight lol, start blogging and singing again, and find more time for self care.

Did you set any goals for 2018?

The Blog is Born

And so begins another chapter in my business and life goals with the birth of  my new personal blog that aims to cover a variety of topics including mom life, beauty, reviews, food, crafts, fashion, decorating, diy, mental health, various issues I feel strongly about, and of course tons of tongue-in-cheek articles by yours truly.

This is isn’t my first time blogging or writing, so I’m not jumping on a band wagon per se, but rather trying to flex the old writing muscles that have been laying dormant over the years, save for my long winded Instagram captions and Facebook anecdotes. I’m rusty, so go easy on me.

My passion for writing dates back to elementary school when I did sports write ups for the Essex Free Press and wrote a script in 5th grade for a play that myself and my Program for Advanced Learners Club (aka Nerd Group) performed in a national contest in Colorado. I was published in small papers and won poetry contests at school, and I was sure that the only thing I wanted to do when I grew up was to write my heart out.

And boy did I write! I have diaries filled with personal thoughts and stories dating back to the age of 9. (They’re actually quite hilarious, and I plan to give you a little taste of those in a future segment.) I wrote raps (YES RAPS, I was really into Kris Kross okay? I even shaved my eyebrows attempting to imitate those badass slits they had in theirs. Side note it was a fail).

I wrote poems, my own music, how-to articles, and during college I had my own Fashion Do’s and Don’ts feature in Windsor Social magazine as part of my Journalism field placement. My goal was to eventually publish my own local magazine or write articles for a big fashion/beauty mag like Chatelaine or Glamour.

Journalism has changed over the years, and thanks to social media, YouTube and blogging, people can write and share the things they are passionate about and connect to a huge audience on the internet. In my day (yes, total old person terminology) we had to work hard to get something published in print, and we just hoped that a handful of people would get to read it.

I love that we can connect on such a large scale with people who share similar interests from all over the world. I love that because of Etsy, my wood art travels to homes all over the US and Canada. It’s very cool to be this connected, and I hope to form some new connections with my Blog. In fact, I want to share YOUR stories and anecdotes and YOUR creative work or businesses and talk about things that YOU love too! I see a lot of talent, passion, and interesting people and businesses on Instagram, and I want to feature and interview people who catch my eye or my heart. (Food is always a great way to my heart btw.)

Over-sharing and satire are my jam, and I plan to bring you plenty of both to this blog. If there is anything else I am passionate about, it’s laughter. I like laughing, laughter, making people laugh, comedy, memes, comedians and finding the funny in literally everything.

Thanks for following along, I hope you’ll stick around!